The Astor Hotel

http://www.theastor.com.au/

Friday $10 (plus $1.50 for gravy, $2 for parmi) schnitzels at the Astor… it was only going to be a matter of time before I caved in, and tonight was the night. And I gotta say, I was certainly impressed. The pub itself is quite well presented, with a big screen tv downstairs to watch sport, outdoor seating and upstairs function rooms. Surprisingly it was very quiet when we were there – how can people resist the lure of a ten dollar schnitty?

And the schnitzel itself really hit the spot. At that sort of price I have learned not to get my hopes up too much, but tonight any optimism on my part was certainly justified. The schnitzel was crispy on the outside and tender on the inside. It actually seemed to be real breast chicken in there, not processed or over-tenderised. The crumb-to-meat ratio was perhaps a tad high, but overall it was a very tasty feed. And at that price, I was tempted to order another one.

There was a decent serving of chips, which were of good quality, with the meal. Considering that I paid mere coinage for my dinner, the salad was also nothing to sneeze at.

Any hotel across the road from the alehouse is gonna struggle to sell a lot of schnitzels, but there’s no reason I wouldn’t want to go back to the Astor. It was a decent that didn’t leave my stomach too full or my wallet too empty. While a schnitzel at the alehouse is something I would save for a special occasion, something like this I could do every week.

The Verdict: You’re never gonna get something truly amazing for ten dollars, but Friday nights here are well worth it.

Taste 4/5, Size 3/5, Value 4.5/5, Sides 3.5/5, Experience 4/5
Total 76%

The Rosemont

http://www.rosemonthotel.com.au/

The least classy establishment on the least classy street in all of Adelaide, but the lure of a twelve dollar schnitzel got me through the doors. There really wasn’t a lot to rave about – the schnitty was pretty good for the small sum of money I paid, but I suppose that at the end of the day, you get what you pay for. And I didn’t pay for a lot. In terms of size, quality, taste, texture etc, the schnitty certainly achieved a pass mark, without being anything fancy. The chips were thin and unsatisfactory, although the staff were quite friendly, even giving me a free hot chocolate.

The Verdict: This is a place to get hammered and watch horse-racing. Don’t expect an amazing schnitzel. But expect to pay a fair price for an average one.

Taste 3/5, Size 3/5, Value 4/5, Sides 3/5, Experience 3/5
Total 64%

The Stag

http://www.staghotel.com.au/

I guess a restaurant that offers about 800 different steak cuts can be forgiven for skimping a little on the schnitzel. And in hindsight, coming to the Stag and ordering anything other than a steak is just illogical. Basically, what I’m getting at is that the schnitzels here weren’t very good. Expensive, pretty average size, not a lot of flavour. Chips are ok though, and the bar itself is very presentable and conveniently located.

The Verdict: This is Adelaide’s number one steak restaurant. There is a steak here to suit everybody’s taste, hunger, personality, blood type, sexual orientation, whatever. Not a happy hunting ground for the schnitzel connoisseur though.

Taste 3/5, Size 2.5/5, Value 2.5/5, Sides 3.5/5, Experience 4/5
Total 62%

The Archer

http://www.archerhotel.com.au/

Greetings schnitzel aficionados,

One of my favourite things about the meal we all love so, is that a good schnitty is an appropriate meal for almost every occasion. Be you in the mood for a massive feast, a quick meal before a footy match, brunch with your Grandmother or a romantic dinner, the schnitzel will always fit the bill. Today’s outing took Mark and I to a pub for our friend Dave’s birthday – and this time, it’s a Sunday lunch that we’re after. And what could go down better on a lazy Sunday afternoon than a lovely big schnitzel?

The Archer Hotel, the second time pub we’ve visited in North Adelaide, has a lovely atmosphere, and despite the fact that it’s a bit cold, the company is very warm today. It was to be a significant day for me – see I’ve always loved a good chicken schnitzel, no matter the topping! Chicken schnitzel with gravy, chicken schnitzel with mushroom gravy, ‘Mexican style’ chicken schnitzel, ‘Hawaiian style’ chicken schnitzel – and my favourite topping of all – parmigiana. And of course, a beef schnitzel can really hit the spot as well – especially with gravy or pepper sauce. But there’s one combination I’ve never been game to try – a beef schnitzel, with parmigiana sauce.

“A beef parmi?” I question my friends in the queue waiting to order - “Surely that’s just going to be strange?” But, quivering with anxiety, and out of love for you, the reader, I place my order. Did the bartender look at me like I was a big of a weirdo, or did I just imagine it? Prepare to learn, first hand, whether or not the beef parmi is any match for its more popular counterpart.

Twenty minutes later and things aren’t looking good - no schnitzel has yet appeared in front of me. Good conversation can only keep a man occupied for so long, and without food soon I’ll begin to get bored. A friend of Dave’s, who I’ve just met – Richard – has ordered a coffee to sustain him for the long wait. Unfortunately for him, the coffee has arrived lukewarm – despite a specific order that it be served ‘hot’. “This is really disappointing”, he was heard to remark.

The time seems to passing by very slowly, we’re managing to keep ourselves sane by watching a fly buzzing around the room. Finally, our meals arrive – and we are eating a full half-hour after our orders are made. Mark’s chicken schnitzel is of a respectable size, is presented nicely and tastes like it should. My beef parmigiana goes down surprisingly well – I would recommend that, if you ever find yourself not feeling like a chicken parmigiana (unlikely), that the beef be a viable alternative.

The meals are of average size, we would have been disappointed had we been out for dinner, but for a ‘lunch schnitzel’ these were appropriate. The chips and salad provided are ample, and tasty, while nothing out of the ordinary.

The Verdict: The Archer certainly knows how to make a schnitzel, and I would certainly recommend a visit for a nice lunch. If you’re looking for a big dinner, however, I would probably look elsewhere.

Size 3.5/5, Taste 4/5, Sides 3.5/5, Value 3.5/5, Experience 3/5
Total 70%

The Royal Hotel Kent Town

http://www.theroyalhotel.net.au/

Ten-dollar schnitzels. All day. Every day. Great, I thought, but where’s the catch? Do I eat the schnitzel, then wake up three days later without my kidneys? It seemed too good to be true. Although from past experience, ten dollar schnitties tend to lack the size and quality of their more expensive counterparts. Fair to say I walked into the hotel with my expectations fairly low.

The actual hotel itself was quite nice, with a sophisticated restaurant complemented by a spacious beer garden. And although the meal we were served up with tonight was by no means hanging off our plate, or unmatched in taste, I have no regrets about parting ways with my ten dollars. For a start, the restaurant had a salad bar – a rarity so far in our travels. It was nothing extraordinary (couscous salad, garden salad, watermelon, potato bake, pumpkin etc), but certainly added to the experience.

The meal itself wasn’t brilliantly presented, nor were the chips or schnitzel size anything to be excited about. The schnitzel was fairly thin, although quite tasty. The seafood topping, which consisted of three different types of fish in a creamy sauce, certainly gets points for creativity. Considering that we paid little more than a bus fare for our meal, I’m calling tonight a winner.

The Verdict: Certainly value for money, and not the worst ten-dollar schnitzel going around.

Taste 4/5, Size 3/5, Value 4.5/5, Sides 3.5/5, Experience 3.5/5
Total 74%

The Tap Inn

http://www.tapinn.com.au/

All the times I’ve been to the Tap Inn for drinks, and I’ve never had a schnitzel there. For the shame. But tonight I finally righted that wrong, and with positive results. I was served up with the thickest chicken schnitzel that I’ve encountered so far on this culinary voyage of discovery. The meat hadn’t been processed or battered and flattened to oblivion. Nor had it been disdainfully tossed into a deep-fryer and served on a plate, still dripping with oil, when it looked ready. No, this was a thick, succulent, real chicken breast, nicely crumbed and fried to perfection. A delicious meal, which didn’t leave me feeling completely stuffed afterwards.

It was served up with one of the most colourful salads I’ve ever encountered – consisting of every imaginable type of capsicum, along with tomato, cucumber and fetta. It was a complete contrast to most other salads, which are basically just lettuce. The chips were quite nice, with a tasty herb seasoning, although a few more would have been nice. Overall, for $20 (including gravy), I feel as though I got my money’s worth.

The Tap Inn itself is a quality place, with outdoor seating, front bar, semi-casual &formal dining areas and an indoor driving range for golf enthusiasts. A good place to go, no matter what sort of event you are organising.

The Verdict: This was a very high quality schnitzel, which left me satisfied, but not too full.

Taste 5/5, Size 4/5, Value 3.5/5, Sides 4/5, Experience 4/5
Total 82%

Rob Roy Hotel

http://www.robroyhotel.com.au/

A Scottish pub, hey? Something a little bit different, but it seemed worth a shot. We made a rookie error by not doing our homework beforehand, and ended up missing out on Thursday $10 schnitzel night (well, somebody else organised the event and we were just tagging along, but I digress). The offer of half price pizzas was no consolation for me – it was always gonna be a schnitzel or nothing. Matt decided to do something out of left field and order a haggis, while I stuck with the tried and true chicken schnitty with gravy. So often a winner, so rarely a let-down.

Probably fair to say that today it was neither. Size was ok – decent thickness, although nothing incredible. The meat was fairly dry although not without a satisfying peppery flavour, which I assume must have been in the gravy. Sides were a bit of a let-down – there would have been no more than ten chips on my plate, and the salad was ok without being exceptional. For $15.90, it was pretty reasonable all things considered.

The restaurant itself had a pretty casual atmosphere, as I guess most places do on a Tuesday night. I can imagine it might be a bit of a seedy place on a busier night, though. Service was pretty friendly, although the meals took a fair while to come.

Don’t know if I’d recommend the pizzas… they didn’t look amazing. As for the haggis – well, Matt could have bought two schnitzels for the money he paid to eat a sheep’s stomach. What was he thinking?

The Verdict: A bit dry, but a satisfying feed nonetheless.

Taste 3.5/5, Size 3/5, Value 3.5/5, Sides 3/5, Experience 3.5/5
Total 66%

The Dog & Duck

http://www.dogandduck.com.au/

As diamond-in-the-rough stories go, this surely rates as one of the most delicious. With rumbly tummies and half an hour to kill on Hindley Street, Matt and I were looking for a feed. We contemplated the Woolshed, then thought better of it and decided to chance the Dog and Duck. After all, what did we have to lose? Well, eighteen dollars – not too bad a price, particularly considering that choosing the parmi incurred no extra charge. The restaurant was pretty quiet on a Wednesday night – aside from the friendly staff and a couple of people in the bar, we pretty much had the place to ourselves.

I had time for about one sip of my drink before our meals arrived – talk about express delivery! The salad was nicely presented, with the inclusion of cherry tomatoes a definite bonus. The chips were of excellent texture, salted and peppered to perfection, and of sufficient quantity. And the schnitzel – well, it was something to behold. A generous thickness, real chicken breast inside (none of that processed stuff), a crisp coating… this was what a schnitzel was supposed to be. Matt’s parmi looked an absolute treat, adorned with a veritable mountain of cheese. With each mouthful, the two of us knew that history was beckoning. Nothing else we had seen on our quest compared with what we were eating that night. It took immense restraint for me not to make my way into the kitchen and shake the chef’s hand, telling him that he had changed my life. And to think we almost went for the ten dollar Woolshed schnitty. How fortuitous that we had chosen to eat here.

The Verdict: Drop everything. Go to the Dog and Duck. Right now. Order the schnitty. Thank us later.

Taste 5/5, Size 4/5, Sides 4.5/5, Value 4/5, Experience 4/5
Total 86%

The Tonsley

http://www.tonsleyhotel.com.au/

The 350g chicken schnitzel and 400g porterhouse beef schnitzel listed on the menu sounded impressive. I decided I would go the beef today, lured by the extra 50g on offer. The restaurant itself was quite classy to behold, with friendly staff behind the counter, and bread rolls already on the counter when we arrived. I had taken the first bite of my roll when bam, my meal was on the table before me. I was immediately suspicious. That was much too fast. How long had that schnitty been sitting in the kitchen, waiting for someone to order it? But hunger overpowers suspicion every time, and so I dug in. Despite what the menu said, my beef schnitzel looked significantly smaller than Ash’s chicken parmi, even taking volume of cheese into account. I realised then and there that, somehow, a 400g schnitzel is far less impressive than a 400g steak. But it tasted ok, despite being a little thin, and at $17 I certainly didn’t feel ripped off. Ash reported that his chicken schnitzel was quite tasty as well. The chips were of decent quality, although the salad was predominantly lettuce. The restaurant itself would be an ideal place for a quiet meal with a smaller group. Peaceful and classy, with nice interior and exterior architecture.

The Verdict: Worth a visit if you happen to be in the area. The schnitties are nice, but aren’t exactly going to win awards any time soon. This would be an ideal place for a Sunday lunch with the folks, maybe for Dad’s birthday.

Taste 3.5/5, Size 3.5/5, Value 3/5, Sides 3.5/5, Experience 4/5.
Total = 70%

Goodwood Hotel

http://www.thegoody.com.au/

Once again, the lure of a ten dollar schnitzel proved deliciously and economically irresistible. And for such a cheap schnitzel, the quality was surprisingly high. For that sort of price, the size and quality are never going to be jaw-dropping, but I was very happy with the value for money here on the Goody’s schnitzel nights (Monday and Tuesday). My beef schnitty with gravy was far from the worst I’ve had (I paid double at the Ox, didn’t get gravy, and received something of much lesser quality), and Nathan’s beef Kilpatrick smelt so good I was worried it would distract passing motorists. The chips and salad were also much better than I would have expected for such a small price.

This establishment offers a classy dining room, a tasteful front bar with plenty of seating, and a spacious beer garden on Goodwood Road. I’ll definitely be back.

Taste 4/5, Size 3/5, Value 4/5, Sides 3.5/5, Experience 4/5.
Total 74%

Earl of Leicester

The words “big”, “schnitzel” and “Adelaide” are inevitably followed by the word “Alehouse”, with the word “Leicester” not too far behind. The schnitties here are almost as legendary as their famed cousin on Carrington Street. I heard somewhere that the same chef has worked at both restaurants, which would make sense, as both establishments serve up renowned plate-hangers. So it was with eager anticipation that I took my seat in the bar and waited for my feast to arrive. The bar itself is a bit cramped, not the nicest place to eat. The restaurant, it must be said, is a lot better. From memory, it also boasts a small salad bar. The range of schnitzel toppings on the menu here is very impressive – from a plain schnitty with gravy, to any combination of Napoli sauce, cheese, salami, ham, pineapple, chorizo, bacon, avocado, bacon and sour cream adorning your meal. Spoilt for choice, to say the least. The service aspect was a little disappointing. We were given electronic buzzers when we ordered, which went off when our meals were ready. It was then our responsibility to get up, walk into the restaurant section and ask for our meal. A bit average, I thought. The chips were also very disappointing – they were clearly just oven fries out of the frozen section at Coles, reheated and plonked in a side dish. Salad cost extra, so I didn’t even bother.

Size-wise though, the Earl did not disappoint. Nobody finishes one of those schnitzels still feeling hungry, and I certainly walked out of the pub feeling satisfied. The actual quality was pretty good, although with a schnitzel that size, you know that it can’t be pure breast chicken that you’re eating. At $18.50, with additional charges for salad, sauces and toppings, the price was certainly at the higher end of the spectrum. But I guess such a sheer quantity of food costs money to make. The overall grade was probably diminished by the quality of sides as well as the general dining experience, but make no mistake, you can’t find too many faults with the schnitties that get served up here. It comes down to whether you prefer a quality chicken breast crumbed and fried to perfection, or whether you’re just after a monster feed. I’m happy with either, and I certainly got the latter.

Note: Smaller schnitzels are available for around $15 for the less manly man, or his lady friend.

The Verdict: That should fill me up for a while.
Taste 4/5, Size 4.5/5, Value 4.5/5, Sides 1.5/5, Experience 4/5
Total 74%

Daniel O’Connell

http://www.danieloconnell.com.au/

The Dan O’ Connell was a bit of a surprise packet, I must say. An Irish pub in North Adelaide that I had heard the odd bit about, but had never been tempted to visit. The main dining area has a genuine Irish feel to it, with the furniture, whisky bottles and books in the bookshelf giving it a very 1800s Irish atmosphere. Oh, and the Irish music in the background probably helped as well. The service was friendly and efficient, and the schnitzels themselves were outstanding. I don’t know how I could fault the meal that I ate there. It just ticked every box. I cannot remember a chicken schnitzel ever being so moist on the inside. Very flavoursome as well, and surprisingly thick. This breast certainly hadn’t been battered to a pulp before it was cooked. The texture, taste and thickness were all very much to my liking. The sides were impressive as well. A very different schnitzel to the alehouse plate-hangers but, for someone who enjoys food of a high quality, this place is well worth a visit.

The Verdict: Definitely a winner. Taste 4.5/5, Size 4/5, Value 4/5, Sides 3.5/5, Experience 4/5. Total 80%.

Adelaide Casino (Schnitzel Challenge)

http://www.adelaidecasino.com.au/

Yeah that’s right, you read the title – a Schnitzel Challenge! Of course we were going to be there.

For the month of September, the Adelaide Casino has had a special on big schnitzels. For the price of only $12.50, patrons are challenged to consume 18 inches worth of beef schnitzel – very good value – especially when you consider that a pint is also considered in that price. Not as good when you realise it’s a pint of Carlton… this schnitzel reviewer recommends swapping it for a coke.

So an insanely big schnitzel for a very good price. Good start. And the schnitzel did not disappoint. The looks of concern on the faces of the guys as the schnitzels were put in front of them said it all. 18 inches is a lot of meat, although the schnitzel is considerably smaller in one dimension than the other, which does make the challenge doable. And you’re going to want to finsh the meal, as it’s the only way to get the free t-shirt which is for anyone who completes the challenge.

Of course a big schnitzel is an enjoyable challenge when it tastes good, but if the schnitzel is low quality, a meal like this could be torture. Thankfully the casino schnitzel was quite edible. Maybe a little tough, a little chewy, and the crumbing broke off easily – but this is fairly standard for a beef schnitzel, and this was about the middle of the road.

Accompanying the meal are fairly tasty chips and a decent salad covered in a lot of dressing.

All in all, this is a challenge every schnitzel fan should attempt. It may not fulfil every criteria, but that much meat for this price is worth the visit. As I write, there are only a few days of September remaining, so if you’re a schnitzel lover and you haven’t got to the cas yet – you better hurry.

Taste 3/5, Size 5/5, Sides 3/5, Value 5/5, Experience 2/5
Total 72%

The Cremorne

http://www.thecremorne.com.au/

Located in the heart of Unley, the Cremorne has a lively yet swanky feel to it. The bar and restaurant areas are both well presented and spacious, and you feel like you are surrounded by a higher class of people. Even though they’re still all getting drunk. Since the re-development, the Cremorne has a very modern feel to it, and provides a great environment for a casual night of dinner and drinks without having to head into town. I figured that a schnitzel at such a classy joint would have to be of the highest quality, especially at dinner time on a Saturday night. And at $18, I was hoping so. The meal was well presented, with quality chips and a generous salad. The schnitzel had a good texture, and a herb-encrusted crumbing, which gave it a little something different. But aside from that, I was unimpressed. The meat was not particularly flavoursome, and the size certainly didn’t blow me away. Like so many other schnitties I’ve eaten on this journey, it was ok without being special. Certainly not one that I would rave to my mates about.

The Verdict: Not bad, but a little bland. Nice place to eat and drink though. Taste: 3/5, Size: 3/5, Value: 3/5, Sides 3.5/5, Experience 4.5/5.
Total: 68%

Prince Albert Hotel

http://www.princealberthotel.com.au/

I remember like it was yesterday. In fact it was.

Tuesday marks another cheap day in Schnitzel reviewing land and today was no exception. Tonight we hit up the Prince Albert Hotel on Wright St.

Lured by rumours of a $5 schitnzel, we knew that this offer was way too hard to pass up.

We ascended onto the hotel, hungry and tired after our current days work/uni/general chilling to discover that the rumours were true. A $5 schitnzel…. Was it too good to be true…?

It was. Under the main headline littered the small writing of the terms and conditions.

“With the purchase of a beverage, and extra for sides.”

However all together still not a bad purchase for a chicken parmi with chips and salad for between $13 and $17, depending on your choice of beverage.

The hotel itself is not bad, we sat on the high table due to the ‘restaurant’ section being full, the staff were friendly, and most of all there was no annoying ‘greatest R’n’B songs of July 2011’ played at ridiculously high levels. Not to mention, the fact that they have both golden ale and Adelaide hills cider on tap, was definitely a step in the right direction.

Now to the schnitzel. I guess none of us were surprised that for our measly fiver we wouldn’t be getting a schnitzel the size of a small adult’s head. That being said the schnitzel was not too badly cooked, having a nice crunch (until the decent parmigiana sauce soaked it through), the salad was nice (albeit a little small) and the French fries that accompanied it were a decent addition (while the majority of us would have rathered chips) that did remind us a little of McDonalds.

Overall by no means a bad schnitzel, especially for a fiver (plus everything else), but nothing to write home about (unless it was your first schnitzel in Australia).

Taste 3/5, Size = 2.75/5, Sides = 2.75/5, Value = 4.5/5, Experience = 3.75/5
Overall = 67%

Rat & Parrot

http://www.findonhotel.com.au/

Probably the less said about this one, the better. Maybe I picked the wrong night to go, who knows? The schnitty was small, bland, unsatisfying. The chips, minimal and of poor quality. The pub atmosphere wasn’t bad at all – it had that typical British pub feel to it, and the fact that it was a quiet weeknight made it a good place to kick back and have a chilled out dinner discussion. But since my mate’s salt and pepper squid didn’t seem any better than my meal, maybe this is a place to just go for drinks.

The Verdict: Stay away fools!

Taste 3/5, Size 2/5, Value 2/5, Sides 2/5, Experience 3/5
Total: 48%

Coopers Alehouse

http://www.coopersalehouse.net/

Ok, we’ve teased you (and ourselves) for a bit, but ask anybody where you get a big schnitzel in Adelaide, and ‘Coopers Alehouse’ will always be the first place suggested. If we had rated schnitties in this fine city without paying this place a visit, we would be mere amateurs. Hacks. The Rebecca Blacks of schnitzel rating, if you will. It was always going to be a case of when, not if, we descended on Carrington Street for a nibble at one of the alehouse’s plate-hangers. And when our orders arrived, nobody was let down. I’m not sure how the waiter managed to get the meals out of the kitchen, to be honest. I’m pretty sure the door wasn’t six feet wide. My point is, these schnitties are humungous. My chicken schnitzel was practically as wide as my chair (the actual weight is estimated at around a kilogram). Matt’s beef parmi was, quite frankly, ridiculous. A huge beef schnitzel topped with a thick layer of sauce, a mountain of bacon, and enough cheese to feed Wallace and Grommit for a week. As far as size goes, the standard was definitely set tonight. The taste was pretty good – obviously the meat was processed, since you don’t see too many 800g chicken breasts. The chips were ok without being extraordinary – but since they’re hidden underneath the colossus hunk of crumbed meat that completely covers the plate, it’s no surprise that the chefs don’t go all out on chip quality.

The sense of achievement (tinged with disappointment, guilt and heartburn) as I finished that final mouthful was monumental. What a manly meal to eat. No surprises that the Alehouse schnitty immediately ascends to the top of the leaderboard.

The Verdict: You know what you’re going to get with the alehouse. A schnitzel of gargantuan proportions, fit to satisfy even the most insatiable of hungers. Definitely a winner.

Taste 4.5/5, Size 5/5, Value 4.5/5, Sides 2.5/5, Experience 4/5.
Total: 82%

The Crown Hotel, Victor Harbour

http://hotelcrown.com.au/

Strictly speaking, this is not an Adelaide restaurant, and so it’s eligibility to be declared the winner of our quest is highly questionable. But we were in Victor Harbour, we were hungry, and Maccas was not going to cut it. And the big sign reading ‘Schnitzel Encounters’ outside the restaurant indicated that these people knew what they were doing. The menu advertises a small schnitzel for $8, a large for $16, and a mega schnitzel for $20. No prizes for guessing what we both ordered. As it turned out, the mega schnitzels actually comprised of three small schnitzels all heaped on a plate together with chips. The schnitzels themselves were nothing special – thin, fairly bland and definitely processed to some degree. But this was a classic case of quantity making up for low quality. How often can you boast that “I just ate three schnitzels for dinner!”? Or four, as it was in my case. Another advantage of the three-schnitzel system is that, if you wanted, you could order three completely different schnitzels in the one meal.

The atmosphere of the restaurant was quite nice – a very friendly environment, with some nice beach views. Consider also that there was a salad bar available to select from, and the value for money rating is inevitably high.

The Verdict: If you prize quantity over quality when it comes to what you put in your mouth – and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing – definitely give the Scenic a shot next time you’re down south. Perhaps not one for the fine food connoisseurs out there, but you can bet that you won’t leave hungry.

Taste 2.5/5, Size 4/5 (Marks off for having multiple small schnitzels instead of 1 big one, also for the lack of thickness), Value 4/5, Sides 4/5, Experience 4/5.
Total 74%.

The Alma, Magill Road

www.almatavern.com.au/

Any pub owned by Crows legend Mark Ricciuto is worthy of respect based on reputation alone, but how do the schnitzels at the Alma stack up? Value for money seemed a bit average from first impressions - $19.50 for a 350g schnitzel, $32 for the 500g. For once, my economic sense rose above my gluttony, and I went with the smaller option. As it turned out, the 350g option was not particularly impressive. Certainly nothing to sneeze at, but nothing to be intimidated by, nonetheless. The taste was quite pleasant, although nothing about it – the size, the texture, the chips, the salad – was extraordinary. To be fair, we were there on a Monday night, with pretty much nobody else there – it wouldn’t be surprising if the chefs put in less effort for the smaller crowds.

Judging the pub atmosphere was a bit difficult on a quieter night. With all of the big screen televisions tuned in to various sporting events around the globe, I can imagine that this would be the place to be on the night of the big game (assuming you weren’t at said game). On that Monday night, it had a chilled feel to it – the music was of good quality, and at reasonable volume, allowing conversation without needing to shout. And the bartenders seemed like pretty good guys. I’ll definitely give this place a go on a Saturday night sometime soon.

The Verdict: It was ok. Everything about the Alma was ok. Maybe a little expensive – I certainly wouldn’t be rushing back to try the $32 offering. Sorry Roo, I still love you.

Taste 4/5, Size 3.5/5, Value 3/5, Sides 3/5, Experience 3.5/5.
Total 68%

The German Arms, Hahndorf

http://germanarmshotel.com.au/

With Matt absent tonight, it was time for me to ride solo. Dinner at the German Arms, and imagine my delight when I discovered that tonight was schnitzel night! $12 schnitties, every sauce and topping imaginable, and four – yes, four – choices: chicken, beef, pork and squid. Squid schnitzel? Well, I’m sure I’ll try it one day, but I wasn’t really convinced. Something about that just doesn’t sound right. “Chicken Schnitty with mushroom gravy thanks!”

The meal arrived, and it was the polar opposite of my Ox meal the week before. The schnitty is thick and juicy – tender on the inside and crispy on the outside, as a good schnitzel should be. The generous serving of thick mushroom gravy complements it perfectly. However, I foolishly ordered vegetables on the side instead of salad, and I face the ultimate penalty – no chips. My vegetable serving is also unimpressive: two tiny roast potatoes, a piece of pumpkin and three slices of cucumber. Slim pickings. Luckily the schnitzel itself is delicious and at $12 I feel like I have received value for money. My friend has ordered a chicken parmigiana, which is also thick and tender. She has wisely chosen salad (which she doesn’t touch), but even so, the serving of chips seems far from adequate.

The restaurant itself has a bit of an old-fashioned atmosphere, which I really enjoy. Many places in Hahndorf are similar in this way – certainly the town has managed to maintain much of its nineteenth century German heritage. The pub is not overcrowded, but there are enough people here to create a buzzing, happy environment. The staff are extremely polite and deliver excellent service. Overall, a very pleasurable dining experience.

The Verdict: Schnitzel Night is definitely the night to be here (Thursday by the way) – and make sure you order the salad. Probably not a place where you’d choose to have a big group get together – the friendly, relaxed atmosphere here is ideal for smaller groups. If you decide to give the squid schnitty a try, let me know how it goes.

Taste 4.5/5, Size  3.5/5, Value 3.5/5, Sides 2/5, Experience 4/5
Total = 70%

The Oxford Hotel, North Adelaide

http://www.oxfordhotel.com.au/

Having never been there before, I always associated the Ox with its famous ox burger and the crowds of drunken St Marks College students who stagger in and out of there on their pub night each Wednesday. The restaurant has a classy type of pub atmosphere (although with a bit too much music from Britney and Beyonce for the liking of some people), and a variety of options on the menu ranging from your typical pub meals to more fancy choices. Twenty dollars for a schnitty (and two dollars extra for sauces) was more than we expected to pay, but seemed worth it for a decent-sized pub schnitty.

When the meals were brought out, we were a bit surprised. Sitting on each of our plates was a massive salad, a huge pile of unique Ox-style chips (more on them later)… and somewhere underneath all that was a schnitzel. Surely the schnitty is supposed to be the centrepiece of the meal but, in this case, it was unimpressive in size and hidden under the chips and salad, as though the chef was ashamed for people to see it. Matt’s chicken schnitzel was little more than a glorified mcnugget, while by veal schnitzel was even less attractive – thin, dry, fairly bland, with a soggy crumb coating which was falling off the meat with every incision I made. “I would not call this a particularly good schnitzel”, commented all-round good bloke Jonathan Hamer, himself the disappointed owner of a chicken parmy (appropriately named, as it would have been able to fit on the palm of his hand). When my schnitzel arrived, my friend Ada looked at it with a mixture of scorn and pity on her face. Her own meal - a chicken and corn salad - looks, smells and apparently tastes fantastic. Indeed, every non-schnitty meal that I see seems to be of a very high standard.

On the bright side, the salad is very generous (I know, I’m clutching at straws here), and the ox chips are very much to my liking. Instead of being shaped like normal chips, the potatoes have been cut into thin, disc-shaped pieces before being fried. They’re very salty, and – in everybody’s opinion – a real winner.

The Verdict: This is a good place for a schnitty if you’re a healthy eater, as you get about five times as much salad as schnitzel. But in all honesty, I wouldn’t recommend the schnitzels from here to anybody. However, the chips were fantastic, and some of the classier options on the menu seemed to be very good. The restaurant is an ideal place for larger groups, and has quite a relaxed atmosphere. They just haven’t quite mastered the schnitty.

Taste: 3.5/5, Size: 2/5, Value: 1/5, Sides: 3/5, Dining Experience: 4/5
Overall: 54%

Matt & Mark’s Schnitzel Crusade

Something occurred to me recently. Whenever I go out for lunch or dinner, the same thing always happens. I experience the initial anticipation of what meal I’m going to eat. I then arrive at the restaurant and read carefully through the menu, wondering which unique, fancy, mouth-watering meal I should choose. I discuss the options with the people around me, to see what their thoughts are. And then, almost invariably, I order a schnitty. Maybe a steak every now and then. A pizza once in a while. Very occasionally something that a more cultured person than myself would refer to as a ‘proper meal’. But on most occasions, the schnitzel proves to be irresistible.

And I’ve come to realise that I’m not alone. The world seems to be divided into two groups – those who love schnitzel, and those for whom the feeling is something beyond love. Matt and I, after working out that we were both undoubtedly in the latter group, decided that we had a duty not only to ourselves, but to all of our fellow schnitzel-loving Adelaideans… our mission: Find Adelaide’s best schnitzel. So if you share our enduring desire for a good schnitty, and want to find out where you can find one, please follow us on our journey, as we explore the city and suburbs of Adelaide one restaurant at a time.

At each restaurant, we will rate the schnitty on taste, size and value for money. We will also take into account the sides (chips, salad etc), as well as the restaurant itself (experience, atmosphere, service, music etc). Ultimately, we will provide an overall rating of the entire schnitzel-eating experience, and tell you why you should – or shouldn’t – eat at this restaurant.

If there is a restaurant that you feel we simply must try as part of our schnitzel voyage, then please let us know. We’re open to all recommendations!

Anyway, time for us to open up our wallets, put on our extra loose pants and get down to business. We hope you enjoy hearing about our adventures and benefitting from our expert reviews!

Much Love,

Mark & Matt

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